As written by the hand of Kheldar
1st Day of Taisham, 1000 NE
When I examined Eleya more closely, it turned out to be not as bad as it
had seemed at first. It would appear she had suffered a couple of minor
cuts from a sword. However, that obviously clashed with the abundance of
blood on her. She had a calm look on her face - the one I had learned to
associate to her using the One Power.
Behind me, the doors opened and Mat and his men came in. As they did
not recognize that the situation was under control, we were swiftly
relocated to the palace. There, Raab and Furlan were led before the
Queen and her assembly. My blood boiled upon the sight of Furlan. I
whipped out my daggers with murder on my mind, but my hand was stayed.
After I had sheated my daggers, Mat allowed me to talk to Furlan.
"You murdered your son just to have an edge on us?!" I asked of him.
He looked actually shaken by the question. "Of course not!" was
his reply. My hearth skipped a beat. Could this also be a false
"You mean to say you did not sacrifice your...," I started, but then
I noticed the look on his face at the word "sacrifice". He actually
seemed pleased that I understood how it had really happened - that he
was not some sort of abberrant child murderer, but that his own son had
been sacrificed for the Greater Good of his dark master.
My hands were fingering my daggers once again. I walked away,
managing not to slice his throat, not to punch or kick him, even managed
not to spit in his face - somehow. The Queen charged them with treason
and sentenced them to death. It felt like a light-weight charge, and a
felt a hollow somewhere inside me that demanded more than merely their
It seemed Tadra was of like mind. As soon as the Queen had finished
speaking, she unsheathed her sword and moved towards Kirklin. Apparently
she saw no reason to prolong the inevitable and had decided to aid her
royal highnessess' justice. Although I understood that there were a lot
of intricacies that would be upset, I couldn't help but to completely
The Queen, who had regained a measure of her composure, was clearly
affronted by this rash action. Prince Beslan managed to defuse the
situation by prying himself away from Eleya and ousting Tadra from the
throne room. The Queen then reiterated her statement and we departed for
The Accepted are bent on informing the Amyrlin Seat. As my presence
is not a mandatory prerequisite for this exercise, I excuse myself in
favour of some serious contemplation and soulsearching. Before departing
on this intrinsic self-concerned journey, I unfortunately recall our
original second mission as set forth by the Amyrlin Seat in the dreams
of the Accepted.
The first part is obviously covered: the murderer of Eadrica Sedai
has been caught and will be executed. This might have a detrimental
effect on our succesful completion of the second half of our mission: to
team up with Nyneave and Elaine Sedai. Sight nor sound has been received
of those two in the last weeks, and as Raab has proved himself a worthy
opponent once already to a fully trained Aes Sedai, there is no telling
what he could have achieved on his home territory with his own forces at
These worries are conveyed to Tryane, who finds herself sharing some
of them. At my prompting, it is decided to pay a visit to the two incarcerated
Darkfriends. After some procedures and warnings, Tryane is allowed to visit
the Darkfriends and we can come along.
Getting them to talk is proving very difficult. Even the coolly
applied use of torture has little effect other than to partially sastisfy
my taste for vengeance. The rewards for their failure will await them
after death, and it is said that the Dark One is a harsh master.
After this fruitless excursion, we return to the Blessing. The time
for action has definately passed, and the night provides ample time to
reconsider the events of the day. The horrifying memories of the dark
ritual at the Furlan estate haunt me. Since sleeping would only serve to
compound this horror, it might be wiser to first deal with these
My first attempts are trying to treat the memories as some sort of
puzzle. They were instilled for a purpose, and they have served that
purpose. I find that this scientific view, even though it might be
accurate, does little to alleviate the black emptiness inside me.
But it did serve a purpose: as I was pondering why I was immobilised
as long as I was when the memories came flooding back, I realise it was
not only the shock of having memories coming back, but also the
emotional shock of the memories themselves. So this might actually be
considered an emotional puzzle instead of one of wits.
That would explain what had happened. Unfortunately it does not
provide me with any handholds on how to deal with its effects. The
relief I felt when Furlan cried out in pain has passed, and I feel that
this swirl of memories and emotions needs to be dealt with. As I can
think of no better option, I force myself to relive every moment of the
memories and deal with the emotions arising from them.
2nd Day of Taisham, 1000 NE
After a long night, I am roused from my contemplations when I hear Tadra
asking me if I wish to join them in ascertaining the exact hour of the
executions. I decline, but ask her to fetch me in time for them. A short
while later I find myself thinking that the executions might provide the last
part necessary for closure on this subject.
Eleya pops in, looking for the others. Although her physical wounds
seemed to have healed miraculously, from the dark lines beneath her eyes
I perceived she had her own emotional scars to deal with. She insists
that we find the others, so I clean up a bit and join her. Tryane,
Beh'larah and Tadra are at the square in front of the palace, where the
executions are to take place in a short while.
Eleya relates that the Amyrlin Seat contacted her with new
instructions. They seem vague to no end: there is no longer a need to
locate Elaine and Nyneave - the mission we still had in front of us -
but she would like us to pursue the evil behind Furlan and Kirklin - the
mission we had finished! At the time, this didn't register in such clarity
as it does in hindsight. But even then it felt weird.
The executions were held shortly after that, and left me with some
feeling of vengeance wreaked, but not really fulfill my emotional needs.
Tryane feels a trip to Isana is in order, to thank her for her
information and to see if she can help us with our new quest.
Unfortunately, it is too late to travel to the Rahad and return before
dark, and being in the Rahad after dark is something we still wish to
I manage to put the partially answered questions of my soul out of my
mind for the afternoon by researching what has happened to Houses whose
leader was guilty of treason - it was a question that arose, and it
seemed to be a chance to put some of my skills to some good use. The
House is dismantled, remaining nobles are "removed" and the lands are
given to the next House in line (or whichever one the Queen currently
With this I head back and for bed, hoping to find a bit of rest
before mourning. Even though I turn in early, I have no such luck and
find my thoughts once more preventing sleep.
In the silence of the night, I find my self-worth challenged. As I
relive the experiences of recent times, I start to wonder if the Amyrlin
Seat has made a mistake in requesting that I join this group. I was of
little use in the battle with the Children of the Light at Furlan's
estate - as I recall I was the only one to pass out.
Later, only Beh'larah had any recollection of the events that
supposedly had happened. I tried to investigate, but even though there
was the obvious clue of the stairs leading nowhere, I could not manage
to find any information or clues. Then, back at Salidar, Tadra found the
site of a battle with the One Power while I couldn't find anything.
Well, that wasn't quite true, I did manage to locate the horses and
nearly got myself killed in the process. A nice way to go exploring.
When we did engage the Children at Salidar, the Accepted did everything
and I merely ran around in an abandoned building, making a fool of
In Ebou Dar, I should of course have exploited my apparent position
of one of the retinue. Little attention is payed to those, and in many a
tale the leading characters use such positions in disguise to great
effect. Not me - all I managed to do was get myself jailed for a
When the Queen was attacked, everyone recovered their wits ahead of
me - the battle had been all but won when I recovered from the
memory-induced shock. Light, even when I was out attempting to create a
merry mood in a tavern I wasn't doing anyone (bartender and customers
included) big favors. Perhaps Isana had been right when she had derided me
as "librarian". Perhaps I should stick to something I...
I stopped that thought from finishing. Perhaps I wasn't the greatest
asset to the Tower's resources - so be it, I had never really counted
myself as belonging to the Tower. Maybe I was of little use to my
companions in their struggles. But they were combating evil
- they were fighting the Good Fight. I might still be able to provide
some assistance. And even if I was of no use in that fight, then my role
could be the one to record their doings.
I might have played no part in whatever success had been achieved by
our little group - but so be it. This group was doing its best to make
this world better, so what was there to do but help them? I revisited the
experiences of the Furlan estate, and for the first time I remembered
seeing Narvin smiling at us, at me. This life was not a story, and we
wouldn't always succeed (as can be learned from the episode at the
Furlan estate), but they would do their best to prevent such proceedings and
catch the culprit. And, for the time being, I would be there to help
them if I could.
With that thought lodged firmly in my mind, I fell asleep and enjoyed
a decent nights' rest.
3rd Day of Taisham, 1000 NE
Our stay at Isana's was a short one. She turned out to be some sort
of herbs woman, having an impressive collection of books on medicinal
herbs. She was somewhat singleminded however: her only other book was
"The Travels of Jain Farstrider", not exactly the definition of a
well-stocked personal library.
The Accepted were constructively derided, as it were (meaning that
she gave us the impression that she was just short of being astounded that
such an bickering group of half-wits had actually managed to achieve
something of any lasting importance). Besides that, she recognised the
term 'Nighbliss' as some sort of honorary, high title. That might be why
Furlan had mentioned during his folterings that he wanted to be the
Nighbliss and that Raab tried to become it as well, and that there could
be only one. To be short: nothing new under the sun, we already knew
At this thought, I managed a slight grin. She might be right in
deriding me as some librarian, but then again, her opinion of herself in
matters other than healing seemed also a tad inflated. Ah well, a case
of kettle and pot, I should think. There was little more information to
be gained from Isana, so we departed once again for the Blessing and
arrived just in time for lunch.